Farewell E-Mail

Finally the time has come to get out of this project. Was looking for a Farewell Mail on the Net when I found the one below. Tweaked and personalized.

Feel free to copy, paste, and "Save as Draft" for a rainy day - OF RECKONING.

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Hi All,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked, I've been working for G and I’ve always hoped that I might one day get out of here. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support and the never ending meaningless arguments on how you were more superior than I/Us. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past five years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "mostly satisfactory." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To all the Client Managers: I will always remember my innumberable unsuccesful attempts at convincing you that there is something called an Estimate that needs to be done before you can decide on a Schedule and a Deadline.

To E: I will miss your arrogant responses to each of my mails on issues we faced. Did you really think we cared?

To R: I will definitely miss you since you are the one person from Onsite who managed to bring a word of praise to your mouth, that only got us into putting the phone on mute and rolling on the floor laughing.

To Mr. Bean: You were easily the funniest guy in G. Your pretences at acting knowledgeable only made me become a bigger fan of Dilbert with every passing day under you. But you also win the award for being my "BEST BOSS". Fooling you was sooo sooo easy!!!

And finally, to SPnOthers: You want to go to the Moon. OK, if you insist. But I can't promise to bring you back (safely).

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,

Randy


PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the burnt-out bar in the sub-basement of the bus station. Please do not stop by.